How to Forgive Someone: 8 Basic Steps

I “noted” that my littles have grown up knowing more than I did regarding the how to’s of this spiritual walk. The fact that they live in a Kingdom Culture mindset is clear when they “forgive up!” on guessing the answer to my random riddles. Oh, to have my vocabulary infiltrated like that! I thought I’d do this post in a good ol’ list form so you will know how to forgive someone.

Have you ever needed to know how to forgive someone, but didn’t quite know how to do it? When you are hurt, you’re hit with the pain of the accusation, event, or action, killing any purpose and joy you may have felt. It’s daunting enough to make it through what happened – never mind actually forgiving the person and moving on in a healthy way.

Well, there’s good news. Forgiving doesn’t have to be something you know you should do but have no idea how. With the right understanding and Biblical guidance at your disposal, you could truly forgive and move on — all without being haunted by it through the years or making poor future choices based on previous wounds.

Take a moment. Be still. We’ll walk through how to forgive as we go forward in this very blog post. When we’re finished, you’ll know exactly how to forgive any offense that has happened or will happen.

This post is about the HOW TO FORGIVE SOMEONE STEPS, but without the power of God alongside you, it will not have the intended effect. Right now, ask Holy Spirit to come in power and help free you from the pain and anything else that comes with the wounding. Ready? Let’s dive in.

Step One: Ask Holy Spirit specifically what it is you need to forgive.

When you take the time to recognize exactly what hurt you, you will know specifically what you are forgiving. You may find relief even as you pinpoint what it was that was bothering you.

Step Two: Ask Holy Spirit what you felt and what emotions were damaged when the event occurred.

Rejection and fear are among the most common culprits that affect people. Shock, trauma, disappointment and heaviness are right up there too. Literally speak to the offenders and tell them to leave you, in Jesus’ name.

Step Three: Recognize that forgiving something does not make it okay. It just frees you.

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

― Nelson Mandela

“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”

― Corrie ten Boom

Step Four: Pray aloud

Believe in your heart and speak something like this:

Father, it is my will, and I choose to forgive (insert name, names, group,) for (insert what happened or what they said ) _________. (If it is something said, say, “I destroy the power of those words over me, and I command anything assigned to fulfill those words to leave me alone.) When they did what they did it made me feel (sad, embarrassed, hurt, angry, degraded) ______________. I ask You, God, to heal those emotions too. Father, I give You the unpleasant memories and ask You to heal and cleanse my mind in Jesus’ name.

Step Five: Make a choice not to “punish” or “seek” revenge.

If you have forgiven it, then it does not exist anymore, and you will be in sin if you hold it over someone’s head continually. “Vengeance is mine…” says the Lord (Deuteronomy 32:35).

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person’s throat……Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established………Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation.”

― William Paul Young, The Shack

Step Six: Give God permission to search you and convict you of where/if you were wrong.

Ask God to forgive you and recognize your need to change. You may feel fearful, but if you are convicted to apologize for your part, do that as soon as possible.

Step Seven: Decide where the relationship goes next.

If you can do so with a clear heart and if you are prompted by Holy Spirit, continue the relationship with wisdom and boundaries if necessary. If the situation you have been in is dangerous or destructive to you, it is time to move on.

Step Eight: Ask Holy Spirit to fill you up continually.

Now that you know how to fogive and If you have chosen to do that and there is still pain involved when you remember the event, it doesn’t always mean you did not forgive. It can mean that you simply need to tell the accuser of the brethren, the enemy of your soul to be silent. It also can often mean you simply need to receive more healing. Allow time and the comfort of Holy Spirit to heal your heart.

Now, you’re ready to position yourself to receive the continued healing that may be required. You now know how to forgive. It’s time to start moving forward again. Read The Bible, worship God, thank Him for what you have been given and what He has done for you. And you know what the best part is? Next time, forgiving someone won’t feel quite as daunting.